by misoh

found

 

20 22

 
 

i have wished and prayed for you

to consume me

bring me in

to your fluorescent need

pulling me into the flickering

quietly ticking bulbs

there, entranced, eyes glazed over

ascending invisible climb till final zap

i don’t know where to start so i guess i’ll just begin

in the small concentric societies we find ourselves in, each subway ride or stroll down the street or stumble into a union without running into a former is never a coincidence, but a draw of fate.

i guess i fell into the wrong hands

i hope to see you again i hope to never see you again i hope to

ride till the hill breaks

talking lots saying nothing

blah blah blah facts

obscure truth

desperate for distraction

the physicality of sound

the movement of attention

the spectrum of quarters

the domino effect of everyone needing everything all the time

with so much in flux, it’s been most interesting to discover what’s remained the same. the friends who stuck around, my local bodega man, carlos, who greeted me with toasty sandwiches and free snacks in my old neighborhood for 6 years before the hit, coffee shops i read and wrote in for hours on end, and most of all, .

i want to dismantle the “self care” mantra that has spiraled out of style and poisoned our soil. i want to bring love back into the mix. not the easy kind, the “it’s my last but, here, take mine” kind. the “i don’t know when, but i remember you at your best and trust she will return” kind of love. loyal love. selfless love. the kind that buckles your knees when you recall the warmth of a friend you didn’t deserve during your coldest season.

the opposite of mutual humility, of course, is not love. set your bar high, and beware of steel-shinned jumpers.

humility apology redemption

ego death eternal

i want to ride time the way slow-cooking meats and fermenting radishes do. urging patience with the promise of reward. i want to balance living in the Now while setting the table for tomorrow, adorned with crystal and bluesy flowers. because the sun will set and rise again, and again.

i miss the fun, i miss it all.

play time will come again.

love is

grief is

wisdom is

choice is

walk slowly, and now

visible only to those who know where to look

standing next to her watching

to see how it’s done

hollywood_the black skirts

worldstar money (interlude)

music was my refuge. i could crawl into the space between the notes and curl back to loneliness.

Most people don't grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.

facts can obscure the truth

when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

i can be changed by what happens to me, but i refuse to be reduced by it

nothing more dangerous than playing the part ever a wager house always wins but i still bet my he art

Use language to access the un-sayable.

He looks like a cockatoo.

Did you just hiccup? So cute.

I was saving your place ‘cause you’re always worth it But you’re always working Just by yourself everyday. (Eating Ass 2020)

Hi, sweet boy.

There’s no one meaner than you. You knew.

Bear witness to what’s around you.

Fuckin’ wackin’ that ball around… it’s fantastic.

Just don’t even try to go to Juice Press if you’re not a member.

Passing the barista a note like I’m robbing a bank.

I did watch Casablanca recently, all the actors are dead.

I thought it’d be too high-brow but it was actually pretty fun.

Haha. She’s so fucked.

I’m trying to be a slut this summer.

A hidden page titled, The Secret Meaning of Life.

I read before bed because it’s aesthetic.

Reading comprehension: zero, Aesthetic: one-hundred.

Hold it, please, I only have three minutes.

What to do, when I sweat?

It helps me dream.

Is there man from future?

My phone decides what to do without a soul.

Look, it all worked out.

I play your records all the time.

you were so beautiful before today

there is no story anybody has ever heard that somebody else hasn’t experienced

the party that never happened

dance in the ballroom of my mind

i loved your point of view cuz u held no punches

song cry_jay z

by your side_sade

kiss of life_sade

 
 
 

we are afraid of losing what we have but this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand

the charms that work on others count for nothing in that devastatingly well-lit back alley where one keeps with oneself: no winning smiles will do here, no prettily drawn lists of good intentions

some dance to remember, some dance to forget

 

20 2 1

 
 

i’ve come to find, i don’t like big talkers and i hope

to never behave like one

moving pictures, interlaced fingers, altering tunes, wet lips

hand in hand conjoined where do i end and you begin?

irrevocable acts do not exist in the room of love

life is one long thread, no matter the length

forgiveness is the compassion we gift and wish to encounter when we inevitably fall short


i can find my way with no superpowers i can take my place without becoming sour i might not make all the psychopaths proud at least i can see the faces of the smaller crowds

i’ve been sobered by my time on the shelf

a modern war in which everyone loses

 

the only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool

you’ll meet them all again on the long journey to the middle

 
 

the secret to surviving is as simple as eating dinner

the present slips into the past and the slippage never dies

the revolution reeked of salted butter

fuck nostalgia savor utopia

happiness at the cost of depth

melancholy with the price of union

the link between lying and the desire to not get into it

remind me to live for now, no more and no less

a cry for youth at worst a valiant boycott against All Things Cool at best

there once was a time when all i wanted was .

unsaid, then forgotten

 

look at this, an entire generation of cinderellas with no glass slipper

+

remind me to forget

 
 
 

20 20

 
 

write drukn edit sobre

그렇게 쿨해서 그래서 넌 좋겠다

old money new lover sweet honey white lies

it is what you don’t write that frequently gives what you do write its power.

the poets, by which i mean all artists, are finally the only people who know the truth about us. something awful is happening to a civilization when it ceases to produce poets and, what is even more crucial, when it ceases in any way to believe in the report that only poets can make. most people live in almost total darkness. people, millions of people whom you will never see, who don’t know you, never will know you, people who may try to kill you in the morning, live in a darkness which – if you have that funny terrible thing that every artist can recognize and no artist can define – you are responsible to those people to lighten that darkness. this force which you didn’t ask for, and this destiny which you must accept, is also your responsibility. and if you survive it, if you don’t cheat, if you don’t lie, it is not only your glory, your achievement, it is almost our only hope.

all we ever do is see how far it bends before it breaks in half and then we bend it back again guess i got caught in the middle of it

i drink too much coffee and i think of you often in a city where reality has long been forgotten

oh no she didn't oh yes I did oh no she didn't i'll do it again

oh oh oh , i

i cry 'cause i remember you and then i cry when I forget about you i smile 'cause I remember you and then i smile again to pull myself through

calling for you is your daughter i look for you around every corner

friendship is the booze they feed you because they want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong

what is crucial here is that if it hurt you, that is not what’s important. everybody’s hurt. what is important, what corrals you, what bullwhips you, what drives you, torments you, is that you must find some way of using this to connect you with everyone else alive. this is all you have to do with it. you must understand that your pain is trivial except insofar as you can use it to connect with other people’s pain; and insofar as you can do that with your pain, you can be released from it, and then hopefully it works the other way around too; insofar as i can tell you what it is to suffer, perhaps i can help you to suffer less. then, you make — oh, fifteen years later, several thousand drinks later, two or three divorces, god knows how many broken friendships and an exile of one kind or another — some kind of breakthrough, which is your first articulation of who you are: that is to say, your first articulation of who you suspect we all are.

TELL YOUR FRIENDS THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE WATER

then i bump into you and my cheeks get all rouged and i struggle to move you know i’m struggling too and i feel like a fool as i stumble on past i see us all in the glass and i guess that i’m glad that you’re both in my past but that thought doesn’t last and i cry crystallized tears and i wanna be blind so i stare up to the sky and flood myself in the light as the sun sets i really wanna run into it

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT THIS IS THE ELEVENTH HOUR

PSYCHEDELIC LIFE IS SUCH A FUNNY JOURNEY

THEN I THINK TO MYSELF WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD WHAT A HELL OF A DAY WHAT A BEAUTIFUL GIRL

THANKS FOR THE HOURS THANKS FOR THE DAYS

I KNOW IT’LL BREAK EITHER WAY SO I’LL PUT MY HEAD DOWN AND I’LL SWAY

MARTYR IN A CHEAP DRESS

LET IT ALL OUT WITH THE RADIO LOUD

SUPERNOVA NEVER LET IT COME DOWN

STOMP MY HANDS WHEN I CLAP MY FEET

I WANNA DANCE WITH THE DISCO(W )MAN

this is how you lose her

when i was older i was a sinner

it took a lot of love for me to hate you the way i do

tell me which one is worse: living or dying first

she thought it was the ocean but it was just a pool

talking loud saying nothing

close the lights, dim the drapes

afraid to die alone afraid to die free

sister don’t mind that i’m not on time she knows that i’m through with that distance is fine i know you can’t care nothing is big like that

it was all part of the story

barthe's argument flirts heavy

SO GOOD IT’S SICK



part of the torment

is that you can always

take part



SIGHTS OF PUBLIC GAIN AT THE SITE OF PRIVATE LOSS



give it space rather than cut it short

give it space then cut it short



THE POINT IS TO HAVE FUN



SOUNDS SWEET HITS BITTER

SWEET SOUNDS HIT BITTER



the end of you sat on the cusp of me



time showed no mercy and it left her behind weren’t you listening?



don’t you ? no, actually, i don’t.



SILVER TONGUE LUNGS BLACK LIPS PRETTY



FILL IT UP WITH STEAM HEAVEN ISN’T EVERYTHING



I LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE IT

I HEAR IT BECAUSE YOU CAN’T SMELL IT

I MAKE IT BECAUSE YOU DON’T FEEL IT



IT’S TIME TO LISTEN TO THE SMALL DOG GROW AND THE BIG BOY SHRINK



IN BLINDING LIGHT IN NEON DARKNESS TELL ME WHAT DO YOU SEE



I TOLD YOU THE DRIP WAS COLD



WE NEVER DID THIS SHOULD’VE NEVER DONE THIS



I WAS YOUNG I NEEDED APPROVAL

TO GROW OLD I NEEDED TIME



THIS TIME I CAN’T FIND YOU IN YOUR PRESENCE



I SAW YOU COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I SAW

I’D LIKE TO THANK YOU THANK YOU

YOUR CORE WASHED ME CLEAN THANK YOU



I DON’T LIKE IT PLATED GIVE IT TO ME SOLID



I COULDN’T SAY IT TO MY FACE SO I SCREAMED IT ONTO YOURS

THERE IS MUCH TO SAY SO I’LL SAY NOTHING AT ALL

I’M SORRY SO VERY SORRY



MESSAGES MIXED WORDS FRIED PHOTOS TOSSED DAYS SCRAMBLED



WAS IT WET OR WAS IT REAL

WAS IT SOFT OR DID IT ACHE

WAS IT ONCE OR LAST-ING



FREEDOM IN YOUR PRISON IS SOMETHING I NEVER HAD



I NEED SLEEP BEFORE WE REST



BLISTERS ON MY TOES WE WERE SO ALIVE



I NEED YOU TO BELIEVE ME I SAW A HAND IN MY EYE AND YOUR PINKY IN HER FOOT

THEN I BEGAN TO WONDER WHY CAN’T I FEEL IT WITH ANOTHER



THAT WAS OUR PLACE THOSE WERE THE DAYS



THE PROBLEM WAS I THOUGHT OF YOU MUCH AND OF IT LESS

IN YOU I LOST MY INDEPENDENCE AND IN DEPENDENCE I LOST YOU



BROUGHT IT BACK IT’S NOT THE SAME

I NEED TO FIND IT BEFORE I LOSE IT



NUMB TO THE STATE YOU ARE CHANGED



THE REVOLUTION IS MADE UP OF THREE MILLION LOOSE HAIRS FIVE HARDENED BOOGERS AND ONE DROP OF BLOOD TOO THICK



FLY AND FALL FALL AND FLY

TELL ME DO YOU WANT TO STOP BEFORE WE GET UP TO THE TOP



I FOUND THE WAY TAKE MY HAND



I FEEL MYSELF BECOMING LIKE MY OTHER I USED TO BE A LOVER NOT A FIGHTER



YOU LEAD ME AND I GO YOU’RE BETTER THAN YOU

YOU’RE BETTER THAN YOU

YOU’RE BETTER THAN YOU!



SOMEWHERE IN MY DREAMS IT WAS EVERYTHING

THEN I WOKE UP AND THE SEX LINGERED TILL TEN SIX FOUR POOF GONE



IT STARTED WITH HIM AND ENDED WITH YOU AND BEGAN WITH ME



HERE NOW THE SUN BEATS AND REEKS SWEET



AFTER THE DUST SETTLED ALAS DUSK SET



ON THE THIRD DAY THE SUN ROSE AND I PLUCKED THORNS

I SUCKED IT IN AND I SNIFFED IT UP

IT IS THE END AND IT IS OKAY

 

20 19

 

blithely unaware

you’re never gonna change me i was already changing

there’s something in everything about you

i wanna see if you can go a long time with A Girl Like Me

i had a dream i could buy my way to heaven

when i awoke i spent that on a necklace

if i could do things over

i’d propose a trade of some sort

to close the time between history and tomorrow

to split the stage between diffidence and delight



the dreams forever dreamt



the shy whose knees buckle under gaze

the kids who grow up

the grown short on time

the she of night



everyday before you came home i stood alone in our empty garage in my flip-flops holding my flip-phone recorder and my cd pamphlet of the week. pamphlets, remember? the ugly booklet that at first glance looks like mere terrible graphic design under cheap, scratched plastic until you open it to find that it’s much, much more: a treasure trove of kaleidoscopic lyrics. CDs, what a time. i sang there because the sounds bounced off the cube walls just right. my beloved dungeon on blue jay lane. the concrete, white tiles, smudged glass, the warped drywall… i loved them all. my inanimate comrades of buoyant secrecy. i sang in showers, i sang into sinks, i sang into corners, i sang to flip-phones, iphones, i sang in booths, i sang to me, and i sang for you.



i started dreaming when i met you

now i sleep in blue

lips red, night skies: yellow



you? Free of

you, Miss, no more

x

Free Miss



boxed you up like an old sandwich



midnight blackberry jam



felt you at twilight heard you in moonlight



surely the unworthy will miss me

one day if not to day



the asian american experience is wearing an authentic céline bouclé coat with a faux chanel satchel



trashy sex and upscale excess

shy sex ob sessed



an outpour of support

a tinge of envy

a pinch of seduction

an innocent hello



square of applause

sitting ovation

up far and impersonal



a memory that dies zero per second and pulses forever, foreign and fresh



my eyes traveled from the stars to the crescent moon on his wrinkled face,

from his brown speckles to his hairy butt chin



you write about sex, i think about god

you sing of head, i mourn the dead



the devil was once an angel and is twice The Angel, Fallen



Metamorphosis, must it strike the pure?



she pried you open with a single question and out you spilled, saved, ‘fore mask killed

why? Why? why y? Y? y ?



fascination with objects v humans was the v that separated you n me

The Human Condition

whispers * I Need The Human



on the mind, in the brain

much to do, much i think



Listen close as she sings her song

Far much to come in her upcoming single: A Down Release



a toad sat in my stew as i steadily lifted the heat higher hotter faster stronger

the toad was my mother and she was so bothered so i told toad mother

there sits a faceless prince/ss at the end of this dinner and s/he’s a real charmer

/ /

she thinks i’m guilty of this crime, i know i’m guilty and sublime

/ /



i fell in love with the me you showed me three steps before you fell behind

catch my kiss as i wave goodbye



smell me forever, coco in your nose (not that kind) forever

inhale four, hold seven, exhale eight

iiii-hhhhhhh-eeeeeeee

eeee-aaaaaaa-hhhhhhhh



breathe, baby, you’re golden



they come in pairs but were Written Alone



how many lovers have you loved?



companionship or independence? choose one



passion sought fervor, and honesty made her yawn



fame or respect? choose one



these jaws that shred flesh and the limbs that shed bullets are my lovers



take time to make time

 

20 18

 

when the city of angels fell i climbed up and i flew down

oh-k!

the story of The Chosen

A sip of crisp air and 1 gulp of mango

Memory is kind generous and cruel


I smiled and I lied, I cracked and I cried

Thoop th thoo thoop



pleasure pleasure What’s Your Pleasure



Inject the story with sound



Every post, exposed



Married to aesthetic, loyal to revolution



The unspoken ever-loud flattery of imitation



There is Only One Original and Two of Nothing

One Two(3) Three(5)



Blinded by the need to feel seen



sight or sound? choose one



The specific sweetness of spicy tuna



The sun set at five but the night shone bright



CRAH pA PAH PAHP



I: the one that got away U: the one that i escaped



what would you do with the promise that no one, now or thereafter, would ever know?



Strawberry-flavored time



Camaraderie in otherness, comfort in solitude


o yeh oY eh O YEH



Mind over flesh Salmon over pork Skorts over skirts Polish over matte



Moi * ~

Fín